Privacy policy

The short version

• Your answers are yours. Your partner never sees them, and neither do we in our day-to-day running.
• You only learn about activities you both want. Nothing else about your partner's answers is shown.
• We don't sell your data, show ads, use advertising or analytics trackers, or use your answers to train AI.
• You can download your data or delete your account at any time, from Settings.

Who we are

Stoke is run by John Thompson, a sole trader in New Zealand trading as Stoke. In this policy, "Stoke", "we" and "us" mean that business. We are responsible for your personal information.

Postal address: 38 Kashmir Road, Glen Eden, Auckland 0602, New Zealand. Email: john@fyre.nz. This is also the contact for privacy questions and requests.

What we collect

Your account

• Your email address and password. The password is stored only in scrambled (hashed) form, so nobody can read it.
• If you sign in with Google: the basic details it shares (email address, an account ID, your name and a link to your profile picture). We use only the email address.
• Your time zone, so the evening update arrives at the right time.
• That you confirmed you're an adult and accepted these terms, and when.
• An optional name for your partner to see, if you choose to set one.

Your answers and settings

• For each activity you answer: how much you want it, how often, and how intense. Also which activities you skipped or marked "Never".
• Your private settings, such as Adventurous matches and Show high-risk activities.

Your couple

• That you're linked with your partner, your couple's time zone, and your shared matches (the activity, its group, the date it was revealed, and whether your intensity choices are similar or quite different).
• Invite codes, stored only in scrambled form.

Other things you send us

• Activity suggestions, and any question a moderator asks you about one.
• Emails you send us.

Premium

• Your plan, its status and dates, and a reference number that links your account to our payment provider, Stripe. Your card details go straight to Stripe; we never see or store them. When sales tax applies, Stripe's checkout asks for your billing address, which stays with Stripe.
• If we give you Premium without payment, that we did and when.

Technical information

• Short-term counters behind our limits, such as failed sign-in attempts, to stop people guessing passwords or misusing Stoke.
• Error reports, so we can fix problems. These record the kind of error and where in our code it happened, never who it happened to, what you typed, or which page you were on.
• Our hosting and sign-in providers keep standard technical logs (such as IP address, browser type and time) for security and reliability, for a limited time.

Cookies

We use only the cookies Stoke needs to work: the ones that keep you signed in, and one that lasts 10 minutes while you confirm deleting your account. We use no advertising, analytics or tracking cookies.

Your answers are sensitive information

Your answers reveal things about your sex life and sexual preferences. Many privacy laws treat this as sensitive (or "special category", or health) information. We collect it only because you choose to enter it, and only to run Stoke for you and your partner. By answering, you agree to us handling it as this policy describes. You can withdraw that agreement at any time by changing your answers or deleting your account.

How we use it

• To run Stoke: show you activities, save your answers, find mutual matches, and reveal them each evening.
• To link you with your partner and keep that link secure.
• To send emails you need, such as confirming your address or resetting your password.
• To provide Premium and handle payments.
• To keep Stoke secure, stop misuse, and fix errors.
• To decide which activities to keep or improve, using totals only (such as how many people answered an activity). Totals under 10 are never shown, and nobody sees how much anyone wants something.

We never use your answers for advertising, never sell or rent your information, and never share it for anyone else's marketing.

What your partner can see

• Activities you've both said yes to, once revealed in the evening update, and which group each is in.
• Whether your intensity choices on a match are similar or quite different (never which of you chose more).
• The name you chose for them to see, if you set one.
• Whether Premium comes through you (nothing about the price or dates).

Your partner can't see any of your answers, anything you skipped or said Never to, how far you've got, or your private settings. An activity that isn't a match looks exactly the same whatever your answer was. A match does reveal that you both rated it highly enough; the groups say roughly how highly.

What we can see

The people who run Stoke can manage the activity list and review suggestions, but have no way in the app to see anyone's answers, skips or matches. Suggestions are reviewed without the reviewer seeing who sent them. Admin access needs a two-step sign-in, and every admin action is recorded.

Who else is involved

We use a small number of service providers to run Stoke. Each gets only what it needs:

• Supabase stores Stoke's database and handles sign-in. Your data is stored in Sydney, Australia.
• Vercel hosts the website. Its servers for Stoke are in Sydney; its worldwide network delivers the pages.
• Resend sends our emails. It sees your email address and the email, which contains only a link, never anything about your answers or matches.
• Stripe handles payments. It receives your email address and a reference number, plus the payment details you give it. It never receives your answers, matches or activities. Card statements show just "Stoke".
• Google, only if you choose to sign in with it. Google can see that you signed in to Stoke, but nothing you do inside it.
• GitHub stores our weekly backups. They are encrypted before they reach GitHub, so GitHub can't read them.

Some of these providers are based in the United States and may handle data there. We choose providers with strong security and privacy commitments.

We would share information with authorities only if the law requires it, and then only what is required. We would tell you, unless the law prevents it. If Stoke were ever sold or transferred, your information would go with it only under the protections in this policy, and we would tell you first.

How long we keep it

• Your account, answers and settings: until you delete them or your account. Inactive accounts are not deleted automatically.
• Your shared matches: until either of you disconnects or deletes your account, at which point they are deleted immediately.
• Error reports: 30 days.
• Records behind our limits (such as failed sign-in attempts and daily answer limits): short-term counters, deleted with your account.
• Backups: we make an encrypted backup of the database every week, so it can be restored if something goes wrong. Deleted data may remain in a backup for up to 30 days, after which the backup is deleted.
• Payment records: kept by Stripe for as long as tax and financial laws require (in New Zealand, 7 years).
• Our admin log records that an account was deleted, but not whose. Suggestions that became part of the activity list stay, with no link to you.

Your choices and rights

• See and download your data: Settings → Download my data gives you everything we hold about you in one file. It never includes your partner's answers.
• Change it: change your answers, or bring back a Never, at any time from My answers. Email us to correct anything else.
• Delete it: Settings → Delete my account deletes your account, answers, settings and shared matches immediately and permanently, and cancels any subscription. Your partner keeps their own answers.
• Ask us: email john@fyre.nz to ask what we hold, ask for a correction, or make a complaint. We'll reply within 20 working days. We never charge for this and never treat you differently for using your rights.

If you're not happy with our answer, you can complain to your privacy regulator:

• New Zealand: the Office of the Privacy Commissioner (privacy.org.nz).
• Australia: the Office of the Australian Information Commissioner (oaic.gov.au).
• United States: your state's attorney general.

For people in US states with health-data laws

Some US states, such as Washington and Nevada, treat information about sexual activity and preferences as consumer health data. In those states this section is our consumer health data privacy notice.

• What we collect and why: your answers, skips and settings, as described above, only to run Stoke for you and your partner. We collect them only with your consent, which you give by answering.
• Where it comes from: only from you.
• Who it's shared with: it is stored by our database provider (Supabase), and a mutual match is shown to your linked partner. It goes to no one else, and we never sell it.
• Your rights: to know what we hold and who it's shared with, to withdraw consent, and to have it deleted, using Settings or by emailing john@fyre.nz. If we decline a request, you can appeal by replying to our answer; we'll respond within 45 days, and if you're still not satisfied you can contact your state attorney general.

How we protect it

• Your answers are protected inside the database itself, not just hidden on screen. Matching happens inside the database, so your partner's answers never reach the app or the browser.
• Everything is encrypted in transit (HTTPS) and stored encrypted.
• Web addresses and page titles never contain activity names.

No system is perfectly secure. If a data breach is likely to cause you serious harm, we'll tell you and the relevant regulator as soon as we can, as the law requires.

Adults only

Stoke is only for adults: 18 or over, or older if that's the age of adulthood where you live. If we learn that an account belongs to someone younger, we delete it.

Changes to this policy

If we change this policy, we'll update the date at the top. If a change matters, we'll tell you in the app or by email before it takes effect. See also our terms of use.

Contact

John Thompson (Stoke), 38 Kashmir Road, Glen Eden, Auckland 0602, New Zealand. Email: john@fyre.nz.